quitting the habit of an adult lifetime

Afternoon

Right, so I want to give up smoking. In fact, i've wanted to give up smoking for rather a long time but i need some help.

The last time i quit (you understand that i use that term loosely) i used one of those nicotine fake cigarette thingy-me-jigs. it worked but i looked and felt like a neurotic retard. its one thing 'puffing' away on a bit of plastic in the comfort of ones own home but a different matter all together when you're down your local boozer sucking on this thing as if your life depended on it.

Inevitably, i quit quitting.

Sigh

You see, and im sure every addict says this, i like smoking. i like the whole act of smoking. Ive got my baccy pouch (aged with use) and I sit there and roll away to my heart's content. It took me a long time to learn the art of rolling a cigarette without it resembling a tampon and i'm rather proud of the fact that i can now do it. I think that's understandable dont you?

It all started when I was 16.

I went to a new (and far more liberal school) in an exciting part of London. The girls there were exciting. They seemed to belong to a far more enticing world, nothing like the conservative middle class, middle aged, surburban sorority that i had come from. They had dreadlocks, piercings and tattoos. And most importantly, to my adolescent brain, they were having sex. both with each other and with men. I wanted what they had. And what did they all have in common?

They smoked of course.

So i smoked.

It started with me buying a 10 deck of Marlborough Lights. i'd smoke them at breaks or on nights out but never at home and i never really craved one.

I got the piercings (my mum used to mock that if she held a magnet up from home it would be able to bring me back from school i had that much metal in my face) i got the crazy hair and i got the tattoos (in all fairness id already got one of these at 14...clearly there was no hope from earlier than id thought) all i needed was the man (or woman)

I got the man

The man was great. The man smoked. I smoked more.

By the time I got to uni i was a committed smoker. none of this half arsed shit. i rolled and i smoked and i was proud of both of these things.

It's been 4 years since i graduated and i still smoke. So you see, smoking is a part of my adult life. i have to all intents and purposes always been a smoker.

How do you give up on such a habit then?

Answers on a postcard.